Day 29: The Tongue

Over the years I've learned to listen closely to what our kids say. I'm not just listening for their intended message. I look for the more subtle revelation of what's happening underneath.

Matt 15:10: Then he [Jesus] called the crowd to him and said, “Listen and understand. 11 What defiles a person is not what goes into the mouth; it is what comes out of the mouth that defiles a person.”...18 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these things defile a person. 19 For out of the heart come evil ideas, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. (NET)

Even a diligent parent cannot change a child's heart. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. I could easily address the symptom (i.e., the words they are allowed to speak). But, should I? If one's words are a thermometer of their internal spiritual temperature, wouldn't I want an unbiased and unfiltered indicator? As a trained problem solver, I recognize that one of the most egregious errors we can make is to treat a symptom instead of treating the underlying problem. Jesus wasn't teaching those first disciples to guard their tongues. He was teaching them how to read the thermometer.

But the thermometer doesn't recommend a course of treatment. Appropriate treatment depends on whether the speaker professes to have a new heart or not. Paul was speaking only to believers when he said,

Eph 4:29: You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it would give grace to those who hear. (NET)

Such an effort would be futile for someone with an evil heart…at best it would be a deceitful façade. If we train children to simply guard their tongue, then we may be forfeiting the most accurate measure we have of their internal spiritual temperature.

For this reason I'm torn on how much to emphasize tongue control for young believers. Especially given all that the Bible has to say about the matter (Eph 5:4, 1 Pet 3:10, Col 4:6, Pro 15:28, Pro 18:21, James 1:26). There is an undeniable connection between one’s heart-state and the words that pour forth from it. But, filtering the words alone won’t fix the heart problem...the end goal must address the heart.

Knowing this connection, Paul warns of one type of speech to which we need to react urgently. When words are clearly divisive, Paul teaches,

Titus 3:10: Reject a divisive person after one or two warnings. 11 You know that such a person is twisted by sin and is conscious of it himself. (NET)

Cursing, profanity, and foolish jesting are indicators of immaturity and are generally unbecoming of Christians (Eph 5:4). But, divisive speech is indicative of something entirely different.

1 Cor 12:4: Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. 6 It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Which of these characteristics of love do you find your tongue in conflict with most often?

I don't remember the day but I remember the general feeling of when our kids said their first words. As parents we had dreamy imaginations of all the new blessings which would come with our child's growing language skills. So, we diligently invested in expanding his vocabulary and celebrated countless new phrases that embodied his growing mind. The connection between speech and mind is only one side of a coin. We would soon begin to see the other side of the coin...the connection between the words proceeding from his mouth and his hidden heart.

Interdependent